People get baptized as Jehovah’s Witnesses for a myriad of reasons. Peer pressure, parental pressure, sometimes people feel like it will fix something in their lives. For Derek there was the hope that this 11 year old boy could erase the damage and shame he felt from the abuse he suffered at the hands of some of the girls in his life. The hope that somehow baptism would make him whole and feel safe. Derek has been through a lot in his life but he’s now got a life of his own that he can be proud of and he offers some of the lessons he’s learned to help others. This is a story of overcoming the past and the strength to create the things that a person wants in the present.
The song that Derek chose to represent his journey is Wash It Away by Nahko and Medicine for the People.
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Music by Fair Voyeur entitled “No Hell Yet”.
Derek, your story is so awesome. I am so happy you have found stable. You were Very brave in sharing your story especially as a man telling your story of sexual and other abuses. I once as an ex witness had this same stance. I loved and taught my children and was a voice for many years. Have been an advocate for the sexual abuse community. However, some tragedies have occurred with my special needs son and it is difficult for me to hear these podcasts as all positive. It feels like a a spiritual/happy bypass.
I am so grateful for your story. However…it’s not one and done. I have been out and in recovery and basically led a great life until my husband died. Dude. Maybe reach out to me personally. I love the positive. Reality. There are always the unexpected tragedies. For those of us who have been out for decades…it’s so awesome to see people waking up… yet, it still feels sad to not acknowledge the long term affects of when life Really happens after you thought you had healed.
Derek – You had me crying when you talked about wanting to have a meal with your mother. I was lucky to have left this cult when I was in my late teens and I was also very lucky that I never was baptized. My brother in Bethel still talks to me even though he doesn’t agree with my lifestyle. Even though I’ve been out of it for many years, I’m in my early 40’s now, I’m still working on recovering from this cult and their beliefs. I’m a work in progress.
Thank you sooooo much for sharing your story. You’re a brave man and I’m so happy I heard your story and that I ran into this Podcast. Keep it up! Take lots of care!
Derek
When you told that story about your dad beating the tv I was laughing so hard. This is not funny at all I understand that but it reminded me so much of my own father. I was a born in , never baptized. But my dad and my mom had this hatred for the music my sister and I listened too. Rap was totally not approved. One day we were driving somewhere my parents in the front seat my sister and I in back seat I must have been 7/8 and my sister 13/14 . She was listening to a Cypress Hill cassette on her headphones. I wanted to hear it so she gave me the headphones but then I took them off and I guess my dad heard obscenities or something I don’t remember if he listened to the tape but he pulled the car over and went into a rage. We had one of those large cases that held cassette tapes he took the case and threw it onto the side of the road . A lot of those tapes were my moms so she got out of the car and was picking cassette tapes out of the grass on the side of a highway. Another time my sister had a radio and was playing this Bryan Adams song over and over (it’s the theme from the Robin Hood movie) again we were on vacation. I can’t remember how it all happened I was maybe 7 or younger but we were all in the car again, my dad grabs the radio and starts to bang it against the steering wheel until it breaks to pieces . There are more stories about rage but like Mike brought out this was an unhappy man for sure . Glad you got out 😀
Derek,
I truly believe this religion turns a lot of good people into narcissists and unfortunately some who enter are already born narcissists. In my case I faded and my father left the religion soon after I faded he is disfellowshipped. My mom is pimi and my brother serves as an elder in a Colorado congregation. I live with my parents and my mom and I can’t seem to get along she finds every nook and cranny to push the doctrine whenever possible to me and my dad even though we were jw for over thirty years. She will not respect boundaries we will get along fine as long as the religion topic doesn’t come up. I’ve told her countless times not to speak to me about her religion or God or anything like that. She does the same thing to her non witness family and will argue, get super and laugh in their face when they share their belief and thoughts because she is so self righteous. She’s a good person except when she is in jw mode. This religion has torn my family apart I have so much to say but it’s too long. I just wanted to say I listened to your story during work and when you said all you wanted was to share a meal with your mom and brother I was in tears my heart broke for you. I know you’re in a good place now but I just wanna say you’re not alone all I ever wanted was to belong to a normal family or the very least I wish my witness family had a balanced way of thinking in that cult. Unfortunately it’s not like that for us. I wish you good luck and so much happiness for you and your family your wife and baby. You seem to be very balanced and you are going to be you are an amazing father and husband.
Derek,
Are you my former young friend who years ago came to my house weekly and painted with me in my dining room??? Did you and your parents used to attend our “book study”? Are you the guy that was told to avoid me by a fat-man elder who later was forced to admit he lied about me? Are you the elder’s son that everyone, when you stopped showing up at meetings, started gossipping that you were gay? Does your last name start with Stu…? Did you live in a town that begins with Bel… If you are, please call me at (removed for privacy but forwarded to Derek personally). I have much to tell you privately and I miss your friendship.