The underground. As Jehovah’s Witnesses we were trained for the possibility that someday we would have to go underground and do our public preaching work in secret. Most of us would never actually do that. Geoff did.
Geoff went to China to work underground as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses in a country in which the cult is banned. Secret meetings, smuggling cult propaganda into the country, specious credentials, etc. But doing this work would backfire as it forced Geoff to realize certain things about the cult that he was involved in. Even bigger, living this underground life would force parts of his authentic self to come out and be exposed to the light of day in ways he could no longer hide.
The song chosen by Geoff to represent his journey is The Weight of Lies by The Avett Brothers.
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Music by Fair Voyeur entitled “No Hell Yet”.
Thank you so much for sharing your honest, amazing experience. I can’t begin to imagine how difficult your life must have been. I’ve only been out a short time myself, but was lucky enough that my husband resigned as an elder and pioneer along with me. We left because our son and his wife left and I just couldn’t imagine shunning them. Thank you again, you’re an amazing man, and I’m so proud of you for being true to your authentic self. You will help many who struggle as they leave this cult.
Ellen, thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. No matter what the circumstances are when leaving, it is difficult but I hope your journey to freedom is as smooth as possible. You are VERY lucky to have your family to support you during your exit.
The next time you’re in Japan, anywhere near Tokyo, I’m sure my son and daughter in law would love to meet you!
Yours is a very interesting episode and thank you for sharing your story. I am also gay but left in 2004 and I sometimes wondered what life was like now for gay men navigating the JW subculture. I am glad to know the internet helps accelerate exits from the toxic environment, probably their own horrible anti-gay statement and video productions help. I am happy to hear you are no longer stressed. You may still have some rough patches, there are many things people raised in the JWs just don’t know until they experience, so please be kind to yourself in the process. You have a brand new adventure I hope you make the most of it!
Geoff, such a great story thanks for making the time to help others.
The China story is fun I have exjw friends from China and it woke them up.
I am gay and struggled being a JW and only now also finding freedom. The mental and physical stress was overwhelming.
Best wishes on your new life!
Hey Geoff
So much of your logic, sexuality, learning foreign language (AUSlan) and issues with identity and struggle with prayer are so relatable to me. Thank you so much for offering your story so generously and with tenderness. Wishing you only good things for you and yours.
Christopher in South Australia
Hi Ross, thanks for listening and commenting! I still have rough days and I’m still in therapy and I still take medication to help with depression and anxiety but I feel MUCH better. In so many ways I am so appreciative to be gay and exiting the organization, figuring out my authentic self and sexuality has been a lifeboat for me to focus on. It’s like I’m gaining something opposed to losing everything.
Hey Dave! I am so happy to hear you are leaving, the organization is no place for queer friends. The sooner you get out the better. I wonder if your ex friends are also my friends?
What an amazing story .i hope telling it here helps with your recovery. Thank you for sharing it .
Hi! Thanks for sharing your experience. I think I know this creepy guru elder you encountered in China. My sister was sexually assaulted by this particular “brother” in Taiwan. I’m dying to know if this is the same person. It could be a gate way conversation to present to my parents to wake them up. Feel free to email me if you’d rather dm.
Hi Geoff!
Thanks a lot for sharing ur story. lots of things to process. As a gay jw I was broken for a long time ago, but 8 years in China became a turning point for me as well. On the one hand it was a breath of freedom and quite a challenge on the other. The endless struggle for the right to be yourself and be accepted by others is truly exhausting. And the lack of even simple opportunity to share your feelings with people you consider as friends – only increases the tension.
What a shame that our paths did not cross in China;))) Even tho I’ve been fading away for past four years, it’s very encouraging to see people like u , who bold enough to cut this cocoon and go free. For sure ur opening will be a help in healing and supportive for more people like us! Thanks man!
Hey Christopher,
Thank you for commenting, I am so happy what I shared was relatable to you, I am hoping others that are still in the organization are able to connect as well. I am sending you thanks and positive vibes from California. Best, -G
Wow Geoff, what a roller coaster ride, so pleased you got of and are finding yourself at last, the shame you lived with all those years to please an organization that only have their interests at heart their way or the highway. All the best.
Kat.
hi geoff,
what an amazing story you are telling us, very touching (and the chinese experiences are also very funny, the thing with the undercover arrival at the meetings and changing clothes to look like real jw‘s is just hilarious). i am a gay ex jw (born into the cult) from switzerland and a former elder and pioneer who faded away from the jw more than 20 years ago. so many things you are telling remind me exactly of what i experienced myself. but i can say that leaving the cult was the best decision i took in my whole life, even if the situation with my sister and her family is still complicated. but i found so much happiness, starting with finding the most wonderful man i could imagine, having wonderful friends, and practicing two exciting professions which would not have been compatible with a life as a jw (i am a director of public career guidance centres, helping young people and adults to find a way to higher education and a successful career, and an opera singer). but the most important thing is that i can be myself and don‘t have to hide my real personality just to fit crazy jw standards (and wear ties i don‘t like ;-). i am absolutely sure you will never regret having left the cult, and that you‘ll find real happiness in just being yourself! if you ever come to switzerland, you are most welcome, it would be wonderful to meet you. all the best
daniel
Hi Daniel,
Thank you for commenting. It really means a lot to hear that other queer folks had similar experiences growing up in the organization. I would love to hear your story sometime, hopefully I can travel next year. Let Mike know if you’d like to get in touch. Vielen Dank!
hi geoff, would be great to keep in touch! hope to hear from you (you can also find me under my name on facebook). best wishes daniel
Hi Geoff,
Your experience was so touching and I can definitely relate. I am from a non JW family and my parents did a great job raising me to be a free-spirited, independent, self-sufficient, and confident woman. I didn’t realize it at the time. As a young adult I became a JW because I was attracted to the structure, among many things. However, as a single women I would go toe to toe with some of the misogynistic brothers who tried to impose their personal views on my life and personal decision. I welcomed feedback but didn’t understand why I HAD to be submission on things I didn’t feel comfortable with. I ended up shredding some of the pushy ones to smithereens but feeling horrible afterwards. I constantly doubted myself and thought I was losing my mind. I wondered why after so many years I couldn’t overcome this “independent spirit”. Even though I was a pioneer, I knew I probably wouldn’t make it to paradise because of my “deep imperfection”. When I finally woke up it was like someone shook me out of a nightmare. I was so relieved to know that the rest of the humanity didn’t think that way. I had a second chance to be who I was meant to be. I treasure my freedom more than ever before now. I will never be apart of such a crushing organization again that steals its member’s identity and damage self worth. Congratulation on your total freedom!