Either you get baptized as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses or you die. These are the two options presented to most young kids growing up in the cult. Often times people will say “it’s not like you had a gun to your head so you had a choice”, but they’re wrong on both counts. JWs hold a god to your head, a god that will let you live if you make the right choice and that will kill you if you choose any other path. What kind of choice is that? It sounds more like extortion.
Ryan’s baptism was just part of his story of looking for connection and stability. Instead of people talking to him they far more often talked about him. He tried everything to be what they wanted him to be, including undergoing conversion therapy to try to suppress his sexuality. Ultimately Ryan had to make a choice to be himself.
The song that Ryan chose to represent his journey is It’s Not My Time by 3 Doors Down.
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This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app or on YouTube. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah’s Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment.
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Music by Fair Voyeur entitled “No Hell Yet”.
Hey Ryan
Thank you so much for sharing your story. So much of it resonates deeply with me. Married and gay. Depression and meds while in. Convinced that HS does not appoint anyone to anything. Sign language. Elder. Off meds since leaving. Feeling the weight lift after being excommunicated.
Your articulation and emotion moved me. Thanks, again.
Christopher in South Australia.
Thanks Christopher, appreciate it. Send a msg if you ever want to talk.
Hello, from a fellow New Yorker! Thank you for sharing your story. So much of it resonated with me and my experiences growing up inside “the organization.” I am so proud of you! Definitely pursue writing your book. I am excited to read and share it with others. I wish you continued happiness as you enjoy true freedom. I wish you and your loved ones safety and good health. Sending hugs. 😀
Thanks so much Rae! A fellow New Yawka, yay! What cong did you go to?
Ryan,
I too went through a similar shunning with the evangelical church where I was once a minister. I’m sorry that you had to endure and overcome such hatred. You are a smart, educated and kind soul. I’m grateful to call you friend.