Whether it was giving his first talk or becoming an unbaptized publisher or getting baptized, Nate knew what was expected of him as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. With a desire to please his parents and a desire to get them off of his back, Nate did what he had to do to get by, hoping that it would alleviate the pressure. But every step just leads to the expectation of yet another, as nothing is ever good enough for the cult. Ultimately it never mattered what Nate did, however, because Nate knew something about himself that would never be accepted.
The song that Nate chose to represent his story is Rainbow by Kesha.
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This podcast was made possible by my original podcast This JW Life. You can find it on any podcast app or on YouTube. It is a 9 part series about life as Jehovah’s Witnesses designed to help you understand how it worked in one comprehensive story and to help you process your own if you came from that environment.
Music provided by Jane and the Boy, entitled Save Myself.
I just found this podcast at episode 128. I listened to this one in particular because…I am Nate’s mom. Listening to Nate recount his childhood and leading up to now has left me with so many feelings! Guilt…so much guilt, and sadness at how repressed he was and my part in it. I’m a little amazed at some of the things he noticed, and some he didn’t notice. And I’m overwhelmingly proud of the man he grew up to be. I’m so so glad that Nate is the person he is, that he was strong enough to overcome what we put him through, and that he is forgiving enough to still have a close relationship with me. I am now going to listen to every single episode.
Welcome Nate’s Mom! It is so cool to see you comment. At the end of the day everyone in the situation is typically giving what they’ve got. Sometimes it isn’t enough in a moment, but all anyone can ask is that someone tries to own their part in something and tries to do better once they learn better. You were likely doing what you thought was best. I’m know that Nate can forgive you, and I hope that you can too. Nobody can give something that they don’t have, often things that were never given to them either. Acceptance means letting go of the hope that things could have been different. If you were giving what you had and not holding back good things that you knew to do and were maliciously withholding, I’m not sure what more can be asked in those moments. Forgiveness and acceptance often go hand in hand.
I think that most of the 130 or so guests so far would be floored to see a parent here in the comment section supporting the guest. It would mean the world for most of us to feel seen and heard and validated for even a moment. Thank you for doing that for Nate. He deserves it, as we all do, and my guess is that you have your own story too as to how you ended up wherever you ended up at times. None of this happens in a vacuum. Everybody comes from somewhere.
I personally enjoyed getting to work with Nate on the episode. I enjoyed getting to know him. You can feel sorry for some of what you did that led to hard times for him, but you also have to know that you had at least some part in who he grew up to be as well. It’s not all or nothing. Take care and keep working on yourself and know that you just did something through this simple comment that will give Nate something that most will never get. – Mike
I just have to leave a reply here about how resilient people truly are! Thank you for doing this podcast. I know it will help other people.
Nate shared this and I wanted to listen to his story. I know it from my side. This is Nate’s aunt, the disfellowshipped one. Nate endured. Nate didn’t let his experiences turn him cruel or bitter and that is quite an accomplishment.
The organization did not capture and continue to warp him. We have so many others to rescue.
Thanks for putting out this message of hope. To those suffering in silence, there is a world of people out there that know what you are going through. Please reach out.
This interview was so eye opening and resonated with me on so many levels as I too was a Jehovah’s witness and chose to be disfellowshipped 23yrs ago. This was a traumatic and defining life event for me. I remember Nate giving talks and crying on stage. The audience thinking awe so cute all the while he was being traumatized and re-traumatized over and over again. Hell we all were. I hated going on stage and giving talks. The anxiety of going to the board and seeing my name on the list stressed me out to no end. But honor your mother and father at all cost. Nate’s disfellowshipped aunt was my neighbor down the street and my childhood best friend. We have reconnected over the years via fb and seeing each other out in public even helping each other out with other issues. Nate’s mom was older than me growing up but we attended several functions together plus I was always at her house. I now am reconnected with Nate’s mom as well and am looking forward to seeing one of her boxing matches. I’m so proud of the people we have become despite the trauma. I will be adding this podcast to my list. Thank you for assisting those who are lost and struggling and giving them a safe space to sound off.